


Thorin the Kleptomaniac

by ScotCoyjedii



Series: Hobbiton x Dwarves [4]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bella is Princess, F/M, Oakenshield robber, Thorin Is an Idiot, implied at least - Freeform, maybe? sort of, sort of, very mild swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScotCoyjedii/pseuds/ScotCoyjedii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin has never run that fast in his life he has to think fast so he ducks the silver in a nook before jumping into the Brandywine river. Lucky Hobbits don't swim but they still have archers!<br/>Why didn't he think this through?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorin the Kleptomaniac

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Silverneko9liveso work "The Adventures of Tiny Bilbo and Tiny Thorin"  
> which was also inspired by the fan art by non6ix.
> 
> I liked the idea of Thorin being a reformed Kleptomaniac and the evil plot bunnies started their evil laughter just in time for spring break.

Thorin had mapped out the entire house the largest Smial in the shire next to 'the Establishment' the HQ for the newest members of the elite Ninja's of the Shire. At least to those who are in the ninja clan Wolf the largest smial is off limits to any other ninja clan except to recruiting members and members in general. He didn't see the point his Kleptomania begged, no. Screamed. For a actual challenge he has so far hasn't been screamed at by his Grandfather Thrór or his Father Thráin II. Only because he didn't get caught by either of them ,yet. He often returned the said object(s) before he could be found out he didn't need to really go back to counseling after that. Or explain to Frerin and Dís how he gave into his _old habits_.  
You see you can't just go after a Shireling Princess like that she's farely cute... _For Mahal's sake who am I kidding?!!?? She is Hot. You could lose yourself in her eyes. You could fight a thousand orc's for that laugh to just hear it once. She was well endowed and very curvy._

"Thorin?"  
"He's got that dreamy look again."  
"Thorin!!!!!!" Dís shouted in Thorin's ear snapping him out of his dreamy haze.  
"What?"  
"Have you been stealing again?"  
"No."  
"Has anyone ever told you your a terrible liar?"  
"No not recently."Thorin said thoughtfully. Dís grabbed his braids yanking on them hard as he grimaced in pain.  
"Tell me what are you planning?!" Dís shouted at her eldest sibling pulling his braids harder.  
"I don't know yet I thought I did now I'm not so sure."  
"Lies." Frerin hissed.  
"How in the name of Mahal am I going to try and court someone who isn't even a dwarf?" Thorin blurted out. He wasn't thinking.  
"Covering his own tracks. Classic."  
Dís tugged harder.  
"Have you been stealing?"  
"Yes, but I return it before they notice its missing! And its not something overly personal."  
"What did you steal?"  
"Some cheap ass silverware." Aitziber said calmly. As the stood in the doorway her left shoulder on the door frame arms crossed and her left leg's ankle crossing her right. Their was a gleam in her eyes of both a rare hysterical amusement and general thoughtful-ness.  
"I let him." She laughed.  
"It amuses me to see him trying to resist I tell him if you ever want to steal from me be happy to. I get a few laughs out of figuring out where he put them throughout my room. Like a complex game of Hide and go seek except with inanimate objects." She chuckled.  
"Thorin!!!!!" Thrór and Thráin overheard that. Making Thorin's blood run cold.  
"Oh fuck, run for your lives! _Fool!_ " She told Thorin breaking down laughing even harder the hardest she's laughed in what felt like centuries to her has been several years in fact. Smiles came easy to her laughter was much harder , true laughter ,like laughing so hard you are crying kind of laughter. Was what happened right then and there.

He gave her a map to the silverware he stashed in the Tree's of the Brandywine river banks he didn't steal the silverware he made that set of silverware for her as a gift but considering Lobelia Sackville-Baggins like to steal her cousin's silverware its to be expected. She headed to the Shire to meet up with Thorin.  
She explained everything to the Shirefolk and they quickly made amends as she took the back seat enjoying the fireworks as they slowly yet surely started to court each other she started with flowers. Aitziber explained what each flower meant to the Shirefolk Hobbit's giving him a book on it before heading to work in her favorite place in the world: The Forge. Like her mother before her who was an apprentice under Thrór when he was still 'Prince-Under-The-Mountain' back then she had considerate skill with a forge. According to Thrór she had not only surprised him with her skill with most weapons but she managed to surpass her own mother in skill. 

While they courted both ways she forge the finest artwork she ever managed to create her coup de gras or something cool sounding: the blazing sword. It glows when orc's are nearby and sets itself on fire when it senses someones intent on killing you. She poured her heart and soul into it and it repaid her in full.

Soon enough the Two Love Birds were married Hobbit style and four years later his Kin Come looking for him in the Shire finding trouble making Dwobbit's. A flour covered Thorin came to the door when Dís knocked at the door they were directed to by Gandalf the Grey. Bag End.  
"Thorin?"  
"Daddy don't go!" the kid on his right leg shouted.  
He had two kids latched onto each flour covered pant legs they were also covered in flour looking like a ghost.  
"I am just answering the door Thran."  
"Who is the chick?" The non attached dwobbit likely the older of all of them black hair blue eyes split image of her father minus the hairy feet.  
"That would be your Aunt Dís, Rosabell."  
"Frodo, can you go help your mother clean up?" He said to the wavy haired lad on his left leg who promptly released his grip to help his mom.  
"Thran help your mother or no new practice arrows ..." He didn't even have to finish before Thran ran off.  
"That worked better than I thought it would."  
He stepped aside letting the dwarves in all thirteen he stepped into the bathroom to get cleaned up and went in his room to get a change of clothes. When he changed he found everyone comfortable in his wife's dinning room.  
"Thorin dear were the kids giving you a hard time?" Bella said innocently enough.  
"No more than usual,"  
"You ..."  
"Are married? Yes." Bella seemed more confused. Like that elven-like crown circlet around her head but something told Thráin that his son made it himself the work was his fine handiwork that dwarrow's were known for.  
"You didn't tell them?"  
"We weren't exactly on the best terms when I left. I thought they would find out eventually."  
She whispered something into his ear and he smiled. She kissed that smile.  
"What?" Dís, Frerin and Thráin asked.  
"I'm pregnant." Bella announced.  
"Yay, we are going to have more siblings!" The children hurrahed.  
For once all was well for the House of Durin and the dwobbits. For the Hobbitess who stole the heart of a Prince-in-Exile and for Thorin who got caught.  
_Flashback_  
Thorin had once again got caught but he didn't steal the fine silverware in the box he held in his hands he made it himself. It wasn't unusual for him to work long hours usually mending pots, pans, skillets you name it. If he got paid he really didn't mind that he could do more than just that. On rare occasion he was conscripted by the Men of Rohan to forge weapons in Large numbers. He was known for having help from all sorts of dwarven blacksmith's for such a large job but even if they paid well for the job itself that was rare.  
He hadn't expected them to chase after him when the Thane's granddaughter Princess Bella's silverware went missing again, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins . I simply wanted to offer her replacement silverware innocent enough,really a simple task. Getting chased by Hobbit archers on both foot and on pony wasn't how he would have liked to spend his day.  
He took out a map marked where he hid the silverware in a tree nook eight branches up thirty feet from the banks of the Brandywine river. After doing that the archers caught wind of him again he's off running again he's never run this fast in his life. **Ever**. When he could see the Brandywine river he rushed toward it knowing that not many Hobbit's could swim. That would stop them for now as he waded in quickly. Taking a quick breath before going under as soon as he couldn't touch the River bottom muck anymore swimming under the murky surface.  
Taking an arrow to his right arm holding onto the wound not bothering with pulling the arrow out right now. It might cause more problems than he needed if he did pull it out in the water as it turned the water red with a trickle of blood seeping from the wound. Another arrow glided quickly after that one he took it as a sign to get the hell out of here. Swimming away to a area where he was out of sight and out of shooting range he pulled out the small hobbit sized Arrows in his upper arm. He headed back to his home getting the wounds dressed and treated by a healer in Bree who laughed at his tale.  
  
  
_End of flashback_  
He never knew what love truly was like before this a former Kleptomaniac who had his heart stolen by a beautiful Hobbit princess who was more than a bountiful lass. She was loving, kind and understanding always ready to surprise you with her interest. What was even more surprising is that she had triplets this time. Unheard of in Dwarven culture considering how rare children were to them and how precious each one was. Twins were rare triplet were even more so, minus the Blas clan they often did have triplets or twins rare did they have just one their immediate family usually was like that. Very large less so now but dwarrows adopted into the family seldom have more than just one each time. It was enough to nearly make Thráin faint in surprise when it happened.  
Frerin sent a letter by Raven to Dáin II in the Ironhills and one to his grandfather King-in-exile Thrór in the Blue Mountains. They said when Thrór read it he was happy the first time in years and his laughter echoed down the hall corridors. Dáin was as expected surprised by his cousin but all the more filled with laughter when he read on about Thráin's reaction. Dís's boys would be happy to know that they now have new cousins and new ways to get in trouble. Thráin II is now a grandfather to several Dwobbit children this is going to be fun to watch the chaos ensue at least for now they are still too young to get _into_ trouble. 

**Author's Note:**

> I OWN NOTHING!  
> Minus Aitziber who is a teenager. Yes she was battleready at sixteen but she didn't stop growing until she was nineteen.  
> She has a strange sense of humor.  
>  **"The craziness will continue if you throw new ideas to writer, no pressure seriously." -Tokora Stormfury**  
>  Anyway R&R, any willing beta readers out their?


End file.
